What He Can Never Have
by precious phoenix
Summary: OoP SPOILERS! An angry and brooding Harry faces his 6th year at Hogwarts, finding love, friendship, and sacrifice among those truly loyal to him. Slight R/Hr. Longer summary inside.
1. Bitter Reminder

Title: What he can never Have  
  
Subject: General/Action/Adventure/Romance  
  
Summery: OoP SPOILERS! An angry and brooding Harry faces his 6th year at Hogwarts, finding love, friendship, and sacrifice among those truly loyal to him. Slight R/Hr. Harry is now faced with a question: what is it that Dumbledore mentioned that only Harry has in him, the thing Lord Voldemort can never have, the thing hidden beyond one of the locked doors in the Department of Mysteries?  
  
Rating: PG -13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related, it's all J.K. Rowling's insanely genius creation.  
  
A/N: I truly hope you enjoy this story. I've put much thought into it. I just couldn't help but put the Ron and Hermione fluff, however small it is. I love them together, though they're not in this story, just some hints and bits. Some feedback would be great; I don't want to abandon this story anytime soon, so some support is highly appreciated.  
  
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Chapter 1- Bitter Reminder  
  
"Are you alright, dear," said a wispy voice, stirring Harry from his usual daydreaming.  
  
"What...yeah, I'm fine," Harry said vaguely, lifting his eyes from the last dregs of tea left at the bottom of his cup. He realized he'd just drifted off again, consumed by a mixture of cat and cabbage smell.  
  
"As I was telling you, dear, there will be a small ceremony near Grimmauld Place," Mrs. Figg said slowly, keen to see Harry's reaction.  
  
"Ceremony?" Harry asked, snapping his head toward Mrs. Figg, who quickly looked away. Her own teacup lay abandoned in front of her on the coffee table in the spinsterish looking drawing room. One of her cats prowled about, staring at Harry with its great yellow eyes. "What ceremony," he repeated, hints of anger in his tone now.  
  
"A...um...a funeral ceremony," said Mrs. Figg, picking up her teacup again. "For your godfather, Sirius."  
  
Harry felt that the last part was rather unnecessary to say as a prick of emotion came over him. He quickly squashed it aside and said, "And what about it?"  
  
"I thought you might want to go, Dumbledore said you would," said an uncertain Mrs. Figg. "Unless of course you don't want-"  
  
"Of course I want to," snapped Harry, trying hard to not think of something he'd tried to block from his mind for over a month.  
  
"Good, then, I'll inform Dumbledore, and you will go to Grimmauld Place on August first around noon. You'll need to pack up all you things, since you'll be staying there for the rest of the summer. Some Order members will be there to pick you right from your doorstep, so don't you worry." Mrs. Figg said all this in a set tone, as if she'd been practicing it for some time, and she spoke her last words as though she was quite unsure of them herself.  
  
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Harry stumbled out of Mrs. Figg's house some time later, at first unsure of where he was going. The sky was turning an orange color due to the setting sun on the horizon. He felt blinded by it, hating it for being so powerful and beautiful. It's just a funeral, said a voice in Harry's head, sounding a lot like his best friend Hermione. But it's Sirius's funeral, said another voice, a desperate voice, much like Ron's.  
  
Harry somehow made it back to the Dursley house, walked into the dining room automatically, and sat down on a chair. He heard the clang and clatter of knives and forks around him. Aunt Petunia was setting the table for dinner, her lips pursed tightly. Moments later Dudley appeared out of nowhere it seemed, and sat down opposite Harry, not uttering a word. Harry heard the TV click off in the drawing room and Uncle Vernon bulked in. He also did not speak, but sat down heavily on a chair and started serving himself some steak. Aunt Petunia sat down silently and followed suit.  
  
This was considered a perfectly normal dinner for the Dursleys nowadays, as they spoke not a word while they ate. Harry didn't mind at all, not having to answer any accusing questions or even listen to his only living relatives talk about their own lives. The Dursleys had stopped having any sort of conversation in front of Harry, who only saw them at meal times anyway. No words were exchanged unless it was very necessary, which Harry avoided, taking refuge in his room mostly. He did leave the house once in a while on the note of taking a stroll around the neighborhood, but actually ending up at Mrs. Figg's house.  
  
Harry's visits to Mrs. Figg were quite uneventful, as Mrs. Figg rarely spoke of anything related to magic, fearing unseen spies and eavesdroppers. The highlights of their get-togethers were usually when Mundungus Fletcher Apparated unexpectedly now and then, and babbled on about the Order, or of the lack of what he knew about the Order anyway. From what he got from Mundungus (before Mrs. Figg started telling him off that is), Harry gathered that Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was still being used as Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix, now only inhabited by Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. At first Harry wondered why Tonks would be living in his Godfather's house, then quickly realized that she was afterall a Black, however distant. Perhaps the house was now in her possession.  
  
Mundungus had also led on that more members were swooping into to join the Order, with Dumbledore's approval of course. That's no surprise, thought Harry. Afterall, now that the whole of the wizarding community knew about Voldemort's return, they were bound to join Dumbledore's side.  
  
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After dinner Harry quietly made his way up to his bedroom, unsure of whether he would be looking forward to be going back to Grimmauld Place, even if it meant he'd be among the people he cared about most.  
  
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A/N: I will update soon, I promise. So add me to your list of favorite stories, I'll have it coming! And don't forget to review. 


	2. Back to Grimmauld Place

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related, it's all J.K. Rowling's insanely genius creation.  
  
A/N: Just so you know, Katie Bell is still at Hogwarts, but this is her last year. My proof is in p. 575 of the American Scholastic version in The Order of the Phoenix. So my info is accurate, hehe.  
  
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Chapter 2- Back to Grimmauld Place  
  
Harry felt rather stupid to have been worried about his O.W.L. results just weeks ago when he was to go Sirius's funeral in a few days. But he had only let himself think about matters such as O.W.L.s before, anything other than Sirius's death.  
  
Harry hadn't received bad grades, as it turned out on a horribly humid morning. An official looking owl swooped in through the window of his bedroom, abandoning the letter upon the bed and zooming off at once. Harry picked up the slightly bulging letter in no real anticipation, opening the envelope slowly and removing four parchments. The first parchment was of the usual start-of-term notice for Hogwarts, and the second of required books for the sixth year. Harry turned to the third parchment and ran his eyes down quickly. It read:  
  
The Wizarding Examinations Authority is pleased to present you, Harry James Potter, the results of your Ordinary Wizarding levels examinations.  
  
Transfiguration: Exceeds Expectations  
  
Defense Against the Dark Arts: Outstanding  
  
Charms: Exceeds Expectations  
  
Potions: Exceeds Expectations  
  
Herbology: Exceeds Expectations  
  
History of Magic: Acceptable  
  
Astronomy: Exceeds Expectations  
  
Care of Magical Creatures: Exceeds Expectations  
  
Divination: Acceptable  
  
We hope to see you again during your N.E.W.T.s. Have a nice summer!  
  
Everything seemed quite acceptable, all except, Harry thought with a pang of despair, for his Potions result. According to Professor McGonagall one must receive an Outstanding in Potions in order to attend the N.E.W.T. level lessons, which was vital for an Auror to take. As much as Harry loved the thought of not having to endure his least favorite Hogwarts teacher ever again, his dreams of becoming an Auror evaporated, leaving him feeling even more miserable.  
  
He was cheered up slightly, however, as he remembered there was one more parchment remaining. A small smile spread across his face as he read the contents of it:  
  
Dear Mr. Potter  
I'm pleased to welcome you back into your Seeker position for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, and hope you accept. Ginny Weasley, who was only a replacement, has graciously stepped down and is looking to try out for another position next term. Your broomstick can be picked up in my office.  
As Katie Bell is the oldest remaining team-member with much experience, she has been appointed the new Captain. Have a good summer.  
  
Professor McGonagall  
  
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Two days later Harry found himself pacing his half empty bedroom, as all his possessions were now stuffed inside his trunk. A disgruntled looking Hedwig perched inside her locked cage, turning her head back-and-forth at Harry's pacing, her eyes following him.  
  
August first had arrived a little too fast for Harry's liking, and he felt disgusted with himself for wanting to spend the remaining summer with the Dursleys rather than stay with those who he actually liked. Don't be selfish, he kept telling himself, it's only right to pay your respects and come to terms with the situation.  
  
But he couldn't come to terms with Sirius's death, as a large part of him still did not want o accept it. Those dreams of the moment Sirius died still haunted Harry at night...the faint laughter in his face...the widened eyes in a shocked expression...the graceful fall through the ragged veil...  
  
A large pounding noise from the front door downstairs brought Harry back from his terrible reverie. Checking his watch, he realized it was precisely noon. He gave a grim sigh, and taking a hold of his trunk and Hedwig's cage, descended the stairs and made his way to the front door.  
  
The Dursleys had gone to a theme park for the day, as they had no intention of being seen with freaks. They thought it better that Harry left quickly and quietly, without them having to associate with Harry's kind of people. Harry thought it was best as well.  
  
He opened the door and tried his best to give a small smile as he saw the familiar faces of Mad-Eye Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, and Remus Lupin. Both Lupin and Tonks smiled back, but Moody looked rather angry.  
  
"What were you thinking boy, opening the door without making sure who's on the other side," he growled, lifting his bowler hat slightly so that both his magical and normal eye were visible, glaring down at Harry. "You could've been jinxed, cursed, or killed!"  
  
"Come down Mad-Eye," said Tonks with a grin. "He knew we were arriving at this time, anyway."  
  
It looked as though Moody was about to say something else but Lupin interrupted quickly, "Well, best be off then. You should go say goodbye to your aunt and uncle."  
  
"They've been gone for the whole day, but they know I'm leaving, so it's alright." Harry said quickly, locking the door behind him while Lupin took hold of his trunk and Tonks picked up Hedwig's cage.  
  
"Bloody morons, those Muggles, leaving you at it all alone..." grunted Moody, taking a sharp hold of Harry's shoulder and leading him toward the driveway, where a familiar battered old car puffed out exceptional amount of smoke. Mundungus Fletcher waved at him from the driver's seat.  
  
The drive was long and very slow, but Tonks and Lupin, who were sitting in the back with Harry, came up with good conversations.  
  
"...so I was at the Weird Sisters concert the other day-" said Tonks animatedly after a half an hour of Quidditch talk.  
  
"-and she insisted on taking me along-" said Lupin with a small smile.  
  
"well all you do is stay in the house...speaking of house, I want to tell you something, Harry. Well, erm, before Sirius died, long before... we had a little talk," Tonks said, looking rather uncomfortable. She gave a small sigh and looked at Harry in a determined fashion, and continued, "he said if something were to happen to him, that Number Twelve Grimmauld Place should still be used for the Order. Also, as much as he wanted to give the house to you after your graduation from Hogwarts, he didn't think you'd want it if he weren't there. So he said that if anything were to happen to him, the place would be left in Lupin and my possession. I hope you understand."  
  
Harry was not at all expecting this, and tried to recover from his shock by saying, "That's fine, I don't mind."  
  
But the rest of the ride was spent in silence between the three. Only Moody and Mundungus spoke in the front, unaware of what had happened in the back.  
  
Sirius had wanted Harry to stay with him after Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts, only now that would never happen because there was no more Sirius...  
  
They arrived at Grimmauld Place about an hour later, and Harry was glad to get out of the car as quickly as possible. Tonks led the way to a deserted spot between Number 11 and 10, and an ancient house became visible slowly. It looked as though Tonks was about to ring the doorbell, but Lupin stepped between her and the door just in time, and rapped on the door softly instead.  
  
Harry stepped onto the porch and gave a deep sigh, not at all anticipating his stay at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.  
  
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A/N: I have finished this chapter, finally...I was stuck on the O.W.L. results part, but I've recovered. Just hung on the new DADA teacher, please make suggestion if you can think of someone. Remember to review, thanks! 


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